I’m going on a much-needed vacation over the next week. As you can tell, I’ll be up to no good, partying with The Liberal Avenger within a couple days time. I’m expecting to have to break my personal promise of daily MW updating, but it’s only a week. I’m sure we’ll all manage.

Some miscellaneous items:

• Watch for Ron Brynaert to make hell for the A-Listers while I’m on vacation. I highly recommend setting up something to read RSS feeds, just for this guy’s stuff. Killa, killa. If anyone’s going to motivate people like me to fully revolt against establishment bloggers, it’s Ron. Here’s an idea: Don’t read Atrios, Kos, or MyDD for the next week if you can help it.
• Good news: According to Shakespeare’s Sister’s tabulations MichelleMalkin.com has seen a 30% drop in traffic over the last three months. Kudos to Michelle and Jesse.
• Instead of letting Michelle make a fool of herself with another episode of VENT, Bryan Preston makes a fool himself. It’s becoming increasingly clear that he masturbates to 9/11 videos. Oh, and he thinks al-Qa’ida was behind the 1993 WTC bombing. Not only wrong, but about as tinfoil hatted as the MIHOPers.

Well, we’re almost through with the (2⁴+1)^th day that I’ve been the sole contributor to MW. Here’s a breakdown of how writing about Malkin, instead of just plain ol’ reading her, has affected my life.

I have…

• Increased my daily writing output.
• Quit smoking.
• Lost 11 pounds.
• Increased my “staying power”.

Not too shabby. Criticism, constructive or not, is always welcome.

I take responsibility for Auguste’s departure. After over a year of incessant IMs and emails extolling the talents and overall greatness of Mrs. Malkin, he’s decided hand it over to me.

auguste [23:50] :: wtf? didn’t I tell you to stop sending me links?
ryan [23:50] :: I didn’t think you were serious…
ryan [00:02] :: Are you mad?
auguste [00:03] :: [CENSORED]

I think he meant to type “sigh” there. Eh.

As far as I know, there aren’t any other major changes planned, save for the things the previous blogger will be taking with him. Most notably: Auguste’s signature “Friday Poetry Blogging” and quality writing. He may pick these up at the Liberal Avenger. We’ll see.

I can be contacted at ryan.mwatch[AT]gmail.com. And since you wouldn’t abuse Michelle or Allahpundit’s email addresses by signing them up for scandalous newsletters, please extend the same respect to mine.

In all seriousness, I applaud Auguste for the work he’s done here. Although it started as an excuse to publish something (anything) in blog form, he’s established that there is an audience for commentary on Michelle’s daily spews. I can only hope to be the Jon Stewart to Auguste’s Craig Kilborn. I think my inner child just shed a little tear…

Okay, the title might be an exaggeration, but this time spent not reading Malkin has been very relaxing and reinvigorating.

One thing it hasn’t reinvigorated me to do, however, is to continue reading Malkin. I’m tired. I think that, more than anything else, it was HotAir that finally broke my back. Following her 362 blog posts/day was hard enough, but now I’m supposed to watch a badly-produced video clip every day? I don’t think so.

But then again, maybe it’s something going around. Chris Clarke is also expressing malaise, although he has more of an excuse - having been at this longer and much, much better. (More well?) Then again, he gets to write about squirrels if he wants to. Michelle? Was it too much to ask that you throw in a squirrel now and again?

Anyway, when I took this last hiatus I intended to recharge as I have in the past and come back ready for action. I mean, getting back into watching is like jumping back aboard a moving train.

Wreck.

But something funny happened on the way back to Malkin(s)watch. To wit:

I DON’T WANNA!

YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!

NO! NO! NO! NO!

Let’s face it. I hit my peak with this blog a long time ago. It’s been quite awhile since Who Keeps Company With Wolves or, you know, Ghost Blogging - which was fun. And true.

IT. IS. TRUE.

Just wanted to say that one more time, for anyone who missed it.

But more important than whether I’ve got another Malkin scoop in me is whether I want to have another Malkin scoop in me. And the answer is no. Contrary to what my wingnut detractors seem to think, I spend very little time on this blog. But this last two weeks made me realize that the reason for this is not busy-ness but boredness. So, I’m out.

I’m still gonna write, though. I may- emphasis may - even start another Watch blog eventually. (Jeff Goldstein, I’m looking your direction.) For now, I’m gonna do something I was theoretically doing all along, which is contributing at The Liberal Avenger. It’s gonna be fun to pick my own damn topics again. I’ll consider other options as they present themselves.

Thanks to everyone who’s been reading me. Right up till the end people were spreading the word about MW, and I appreciate it very much. I’m gonna keep my malkinwatchblog e-mail at least for awhile but I’ll be slowly trying to get y’all to use augusteisfree at gmail dot com. (auguste@gmail.com was taken, for crying out loud!).

As for Malkin(s)watch: A blogger a lot of you might know is probably going to take over. Negotiations are ongoing. I think. Maybe this person already said yes and I got confused. Stay tuned. I’m gonna post one more Friday Poetry Blog tomorrow and then sayanora.

Thanks a million to everyone, especially those that took to the blog right away - including but not limited to LA (of COURSE), Ryan, Eric Muller, David Neiwert, Mykeru, and all the people I’m forgetting.

See you ’round the blogosphere.

…read Chris Clarke instead.

I can’t think of any other explanation for Jeff Bergholz having nailed me so exactly.

I knew that anyone who maintained a blog of this nature had to be a moron, but you exceed my expectations. You’re just another snot-nosed, know-nothing punk who hates Asian women because they don’t want anything to do with ugly little geeks like you.

Stick to Asian porn and your therapy sessions. Real women and real debate are beyond you.

Dad?

With no ado, let’s get straight to the results - and because this is a feminism-supporting blog, we’ll do it Miss America style with four runners-up. And early, so the old people can go to bed.

Fourth runner-up - Everybody. This had a better turnout than I could have possibly expected. Thanks a million!

Third runner-up - James:

I just think that we’ve let the Spanish language invade English too much already. Now if you excuse me, I have to put on my ten *gallon* hat and drive my *El Camino* by the *canyon* to look for poachers of *coyotes*. If I catch any with my *lasso*, they’ll be put in the *hoosegow*. After that, I have to go by the market and buy some *salsa*, *chocolate*, and *tomatoes* for a *fiesta* we’re having on my *patio* later, *buckeroo*.

And co-runners-up - DaveOinSF:

I’m appalled that there’s a Spanish language version of the SSB. It’s bad enough that we have to hit that high-G on the “Free” of “land of the free”. In order to sing “tierra de libres”, you’ve got to hit that G on the _first_ syllable of “libres” and then keep it on that note while then closing your mouth to make the B sound, roll the tounge for the R, and then opening your mouth for a new vowel sound. Try it, you won’t like it.

and McBoing:

No cowbell?

And now the winner.

With a last-minute entry which caught the judges’ eye due to its succinctness, humor, and adeptness at mocking actual winger thought processes, Tony:

The only people who don’t object to a Spanish Star Spangled Banner are those who have never been mugged by a Spanish translation of the Star Spangled Banner.

Thanks for playing everybody! And Tony, watch your e-mail, because in three to six weeks you’ll be receiving your fabulous prize - and a bonus prize:

The IP for Malkin’s new videoblog project is registered to Jesse Malkin.

Why? Cause I’m going to Wordstock, baby!

Revenge of Wrong - Edward de Vere

Fain would I sing, but fury makes me fret,
And Rage hath sworn to seek revenge of wrong;
My mazed mind in malice so is set,
As Death shall daunt my deadly dolours long;
Patience perforce is such a pinching pain,
As die I will, or suffer wrong again.

I am no sot, to suffer such abuse
As doth bereave my heart of his delight;
Nor will I frame myself to such as use,
With calm consent, to suffer such despite;
No quiet sleep shall once possess mine eye
Till Wit have wrought his will on Injury.

My heart shall fail, and hand shall lose his force,
But some device shall pay Despite his due;
And Fury shall consume my careful corse,
Or raze the ground whereon my sorrow grew.
Lo, thus in rage of ruthful mind refus’d,
I rest reveng’d on whom I am abus’d.

Malkin’s latest wackiness (While I have no love for the Chinese government, can you imagine her reaction if a heckler told President Bush his “days were numbered” is just the least of my thoughts) couldn’t have come at a worse time, as I have spent the last few days preparing for today’s vitally important professional exam. Everyone think good thoughts at 12:30 PDT, wouldja?

I have a huge-by-my-usual-standards post in the works about her latest column but it’s going to have to take a back seat. I’m sure you understand.

Update: Passed. Thanks for the good wishes.

But as eagle-eyed Prof. Muller says “The jury may not be in, but they’re knocking on the door.”

In that last message, Malkin explains that she is in Minneapolis, where she’ll be giving a speech at 12:00 noon. Controlling for the one-hour time difference between the East Coast and Minnesota, I infer that she posted this update a startling 29 minutes before her noontime speech.

Update: Glad I didn’t use that word I wasn’t going to use yet, yet. It appears Prof. Muller miscalculated some flight times etc.

In a way, that’s kind of a blow to the “quit focusing so much attention on this” crowd. How much attention could it have been?

;)

…so abrupt was Malkin’s announcement of vacation. And in a week where immigration is the most forthright issue in the news…

It’s not spring break in Maryland yet…I’m certain it has nothing whatsoever to do the recent revelations of Ben Domenech’s plagiarism, his resignation from Regnery, and/or the resulting fact that Malkin’s last two books were edited by a proven plagiarist.

Contrary to rumor, I am not Ben Domenech. The similarity between my pseudonym and Ben’s racist, sexist, freaky-ass alter ego’s name is purely coincidence.

I am, in fact, Jeff Goldstein.

Not really.

From a comments thread on a rightwing blog which shall remain nameless, about a blog which shall remain nameless. [Hint: it rhymes with “Malkin(s)watch.”]

[Sic] throughout:

Biggots such as these have basically saved our behinds in elections that we really should have lost…hee..hee

Hopefully, in this election cycle, the GOP will adopt most of the RSC’s legislative agenda, AND afore-said biggots will get ALOT press, and we will do very well in the upcomming elections.

———

Yes that is true. But I just cannot phathom spending that much time being hateful and angry.

Oh I am human and have had my share of a day or two…maybe even a week or two, but come on, this is absurd.

This is a ‘whole blog’, -literary content (though I do not call what this guy writes literary anything-hehe)on bashing MM. Absurd and such a waste of energy. MM is a staple.

Though you are right it is people like that - that do us so much good. Let us pray it rings true this coming election year!

I’ll say it again, and only this: It doesn’t take much energy.

Thanks for the wishlist item! I have already devoured it and will be reading it again this weekend.

Those of you who haven’t checked out Joe Sacco’s warzone graphic novels are missing out.